Dear St. Dawkins Dudebros: No Means No

Prelude:

One of my fav twitter folks, Jay The Nerd Kid, made some great observations about how your theism/atheism does not make you a better or worse person:

And then the dudebro Spidey Senses started tingling – women were voicing their opinions about atheists! Dudebro does not like!:

So let me recap what just happened here: Jay the Nerd Kid made the point that a person’s a/theism is IRRELEVANT to whether they care about human rights. In other words, a/theism does not automaticlly make you better or worse at respecting others’ human rights. And I responded in agreement, making a JOKE that atheists often act just as fundamentalist and dogmatic as religious folk do.

To clarify: I know that atheism is not a religion. Doubting Thomas and Darth Skeptic’s attempt to correct me is beside the point. I said “No” to their attempts to engage me in this line of questioning, not only because their questions were irrelevant, but because I had a suspicion, based on observations of other literal-minded dudebros, that engaging with them would only lead to an abusive conversation. Unfortunately, I was proven right immediately when Darth Skeptic responded to my “No” with an insult to my intelligence:

This last tweet translates loosely to, “My friend @weakSquare is too noisy.” Shortly after this, Darth Skeptic’s minions arrived with more abusive words:

Right…I … that’s what I’m saying? Okay. Moving on.

Gotta love the ableism there. No Jen, any man who ignores a woman’s boundaries and punishes her for expressing them – in this case by insulting my intelligence – is exhibiting misogyny. “No means no” applies everywhere, not just in cases of sexual consent.

Cute rape joke! From a “feminist.”

This guy is a gem of a man, BY the way. You should read his blog. We’re working on #GawkingAtRapeCulture together, which you can read about here. Okay anyways -

This tweet, which I found in my mentions this morning, is well-intentioned but still besides my point. I appreciate that he’s expressing supportive emotions. But I don’t want anyone to walk away from this conversation thinking I was trying to make an analytical, definitive statement about What Atheism Is Or Isn’t:

I was making a comparative, even poetic comparison to draw attention to my actual point which is that atheists often behave just as abusively as the religious fundamentalists they condemn.

So my takeaways from this conversation: You can think you’re a feminist but still act a misogynist jerk. It’s possible to engage with women without insulting them when they say no. Knowing the dictionary definition of words doesn’t make you a better person. And this one is for the liberal dudebros who even publicly call themselves feminist, like Darth Skeptic here: “No means no” applies ALL THE TIME, EVERYWHERE, not just in relation to sexual interactions. Respect “No” when you hear it: when you’re horny, when you want something, when you’re angry, when you’re rejected, when you think you’re just being nice and logical and justified in whatever it is that you’re doing. No means no.

3 thoughts on “Dear St. Dawkins Dudebros: No Means No

  1. Funny how dudebros feel absolutely obligated to say their piece. “A woman? Speaking her mind?! I must offer her douchebaggery and feigned intelligence, even though she never asked for it!”

  2. Kiana: It’s almost soothing how predictable they are about it, too. Battlecry of the Dudebrosplainer is basically our National Anthem.

    PS I love that purple lip color you’re wearing!

  3. Ahh, the tears spilled from the eyes of the dudebro when he feels his manhood is being threatened by female presence. I’m starting a petition for a new anthem, if that’s the world we live in.

    Aw, thank you so much! I’m quite partial to the dark lipstick colors!

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